Last exam

I've failed half of my exams. That's bad but I really don't care about it. I propably don't want to study psychology no longer. It's quite boring. Most intresting things were on the beginning and now they serve us shit. That's my opinion.

My last exam is on saturday. It's oral exam from english. I truely fear it because I'm quite weak in speaking. I have six topics to prepare and there will be some draw. So I need to be prepared to speak about every one.

By the way, it's really weird, that I understand everything what someone is saying, even if he is very fluent, fast and use a lot of vocabulary and in the same time I can't answer him. I know all this vocabulary and grammar and I can't use it when I want to say something. That is very annoying. Listening level is C1 but conversation level is A1, max A2.

Any ideas what I should do?

I should start to learn

But I can't get no! Tadada! Motivation! Tadada!

Yes, I know. I'm just ordinary student and I'm lazy as lying old shit. But there are some other reasons. As I've wrtitten in previous post, I start to study psychology to help myself. Few weeks ago I've understood that it is impossible to be the patient and the therapist in the same time. So I don't need my studies anymore. How can I force myself to learn in these circumstances?

Why do I study psychology?

I study psychology. I have never dreamt to be some kind of therapist. I will be honest with you. I have problems with myself. I always was an outsider. I have had problems with an alcohol and drugs because of being not accepted by my peers. I had, and I still have really low self-esteem and depression. So, it is easy to guess that I study psychology to help myself. After two years I have discovered that it doesn't work that way. I need to speak about my problems with other people because I can't be the patient and the therapist at the same time.

I don't know what to do with my life. I have no purpose, I have no passion, I have no dreams.

First note

Hi, my real name is Patrick, but here I will write as Jimi Leone. This is my nickname on the internet. Jimi is from Jimi Hendrix because I love so much his music. Leone because I have tattoo with a lion on my chest (exactly this from my heading) and in italian "Leone" means the lion. So, here I am - Jimi Leone.

Origin of this blog is improving my english. I have thought about how to reach a good level with writing and also with speaking, so I have discovered that the best way is to practice it a lot. Sitting and learning a grammar is not that efficient as using language in everyday life. I know that my grammar is not good enough, but my speaking and writing are not good at all.

I understand what someone is talking. I can understand movies without translation. The problem is that when I have to speak with someone in english, I can't. I just can't find the words.

I hope that conducting this blog will help me with my english. If someone is reading this - please give me some feedback if you find some mistakes. I will be grateful.

To the next time, bye!